Friday, June 10, 2011

Friday Musings

I wrote this post in my mind several times before I decided to put it up here. I wasn't sure if I you’d want to read this because you come here for all things pretty and what I am going to talk to you about doesn't really fall under that category. I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk about it because’s taken me several weeks to just come out of what was happening all around me and I wanted to be very practical about it and not emotional. 

But then I realized that Friday musings is my space to write anything and everything I thought was important for me to share with you...sometimes for your sake and sometimes for mine. This one is for US. This is going to be one long wordy post and not a very happy one.

It’s funny that whenever we think of death we think of it in a very far far away, obscure kind of way. We never think that it may be looking at us or our loved ones right now. Yes, I mean like NOW. We have everything planned out for this moment...a meeting with a client, a lunch with a friend, a visit to the park with the little one, some retail therapy with our parents or a candle lit dinner with our partner. We have the agenda ready and somehow we never think that in this already jam packed day of ours death could come knocking.

And yet it does.

In the last three-four weeks I/we lost several loved ones to it. A very very dear friend’s young father, two of mom’s aunts, my lil sister’s good friend and an acquaintance...just writing this makes me all teary eyed. I know that each of us has faced a loss of dear one sometime or the other and we know the kind of pain it brings. But I wasn’t “prepared” for so many losses in so little time. 

Wait, did I just say “prepared”? Yes, I did.

There is this HUGE hole that is left when a dear one passes away. But I am not here to talk about that. Each of these people who left us have gone never to come back and it will take time for it to heal. But I wish to learn several lessons out of this. Because its really tough on the people who are left behind. Their wives/husbands. Their children.  It’s THEY who suffer the most and not necessarily the ones who go away. And that’s what the post is all about.
  • Each person who passed away was FIT & Healthy. None were sick. Yet they all went away suddenly. Don’t just THINK you are healthy just because you haven’t been to a doctor in years. Do your body a favour and do your loved ones a favour. Please get an annual medical check up done. It takes less than three hours. Less than the time you spend each of your weekends watching a 3 hour flick. Three hours out of your busy 365 days.
  • Some of them had their “treasured” children fighting for their dad/mum’s possessions while they were still saying their last good byes to their partner. And I am not blaming anyone here. Perhaps death does that to a few children. Please make your will. You are never too young to not make one. Never to fit to not make one. At least it will make the siblings/relatives be there for each other during these times rather than fight for a bank balance or a house. Really. And it’s not to say all children do this but some do. And at times the mom/dad who is left behind has to see this. Not fair.
  • Having said that please please please have some interest outside of your “home” if you are old and not working outside of it anymore. And we are all going to get there sooner or later. It’s tough when the last so many years of your lives have been spent with your partner and only him/her. After they go away, there is nothing left for you to do than look at empty chair all day and go sad-crazy all at the same time. You need to be busy after they go away and you can’t develop a friend circle/ interest while mourning for their loss. A friend/ an interest or a passion will help you face each day. Will help you sleep better. Will help you get up the next day.
  • It’s not always that only the others go away. It could be YOU today. Please prepare a file with all your insurance policies, bank nominee papers, paperwork that needs to be submitted by the partner to get the pension coming in, to apply for other name changes. And share it with your family, “If something were to happen to this is what you will need”. It’s bad enough that you've left them alone. It’s worse that at the time when they should be grieving for their loss they have to run around and figure out stuff like this. Not required. And really just because you are putting this stuff together doesn't mean you are inviting death. Then even signing up for insurance policies would mean the same. Won’t it?
  • Never ever leave the home angry with your family. Do you want that to be the last thing that you did together...fight/argue? Even if you did, it never hurts to say...You know...I love you and will always do....just in case. No, It’s not morbid. We travel, accidents happen.We have bad lifestyles, strokes happen. Life is unpredictable, freak deaths happen. If something were to happen won’t it be nice to know, ah at least I told her/them I love you, dearly.
That was one heavy post. But I am glad I wrote it out. Even if one of you decides to be fitter for your family/friends it will make me happy. Even if one of you decides to write out that will it will make me happy. Even if one of you decides to pursue that long forgotten passion for your sake it will make me happy. Even if one of you decides to make “THAT” file it will make me happy. And even if one you decides to tell your loved ones several times a day they are much loved it will make me very very happy. 

When was the last time you did that???

And finally,

I dedicate this post to you, G. You know who you are and I love you deeply. I hope you find the strength to face each day and you get stronger and happier with time.

Image : tumblr


Anpu said...

Your post is very true...and each time, you face this situation with your your immediate family or your close friend, or HITS you. It is WORSE, when people are young, having kids, responsibilities pass away. It is more tolerant, when it is an elder person, who was sick, etc. Yes, it is critical for all to document teh will, bank accts, who is going to take care of your are the gurdians supposed to manage your monies...I hate it when people fight for the possessions...we have seen it happen. It is a pity...that one has to resort to that level.

Shanthi said...

What a heartfelt post P!. I know what you said is 100, 200 % true. Whoever this G is - whatever you are facing now and however hurting it is, know that you will come to terms with it and time will heal.

Sound Horn Please said...

Oh this sounds awful! So many people... and I agree with everything you've said, very very true P and heartfelt. I wish all the loved ones who have survived the strength to move on and live life to the fullest.

MindfulMeanderer said...

So true. :(
Hugss to both you and G. may you both find strength to move ahead.

Anu@My Dream Canvas said...

Prachi, you write beautifully. Its very thought provoking and heartfelt. May God give you and the others who have lost someone dear the strength and guidance to bear this loss.....hugs Anu

Sudha said...

a very thoughtful post ...makes me sad to read the list but its so true...we take things for granted..and worry about things that dont matter

hope u feel better P

Pooja said...

oh sweetie! Though we have spoken about it so many times, my heart still feels so heavy after reading it.
I have been thinking about doing all this that you have mentioned but somehow have been too busy for it. I think I can surely start the last one today and make sure I do it every single day. Even the thought that I might loose someone the same day when we fought is frightening. Thanks for reminding us about all this. Let me start by telling you that you are really really special in my life. Always be there for me. Love you :)

Patricia Torres said...

Prachi.. this is a true to my heart post!! Strangely.. just yesterday.. as I was scheduling some posts on blogger.. for a later date.. I thought to myself.. what if something happened to me.. the blog would post these scheduled posts.. How strange would that be..*sigh*

Amit lost his best friend last year.. And still hasnt fully recovered.. We dont even talk about Nigel sometimes.. And some days.. we dont stop talking about his favourites.. and their school days.. and everything..

Whats strange.. is how often you remember the person .. when they are no more!! really!! When you cant pick the phone and say 'I love you'.. thats the only thing you want to do!

I learnt.. not to save anything.. When Nige & his wife moved to Sydney.. Amit & I were there... helping them sort out their stuff... He saved some gorgeous kitchen ware in the store room.. and said to me.. 'pats.. this is for when I have my own home..'.. 'you'll come.. wont you.. and we'll have some fun'..

When we went to say 'good bye' to him last year.. for the final time.. all this stuff was still there in their store room.. and I couldn't help but cry..

Now.. his wife.. cant face those things.. so has given it all away.. coz she had to move to a smaller home as well... She had not place to keep these things..

Life is truly sad sometimes..

I hope you.. & G.. have all the strength in the world.. *hugs* coming your way.. Take care.. and.. from this part of the world.. I truly care about you!! Be safe! love!!

chetana said...

first of all,...........luv u.
i dnt know u, ur age,and abt u
still,my mind makes me that i shd
am 1 of those who like ur words
and relation with the feeling.
this post will help all of them,because they are not ready 2 face the facts,so, dear i wish u d best,do well, just goooo on.